There are certain moments in which even the most careful and conscientious parent lets nerves get the better part of them and burst out – they raise their voice and say something they do not mean. To others, however, the nervous tone and rude communication are everyday things and after a while they become a habit. Here why it is for the best if we sit down and think well about the way in which we communicate with our children, and avoid phrases like the following.
1. Shut up
Whether you believe it or not, many parents use the word “shut up” when they want their child to keep silence. Yes, it really is important to teach our children how to be tactful, not to talk over us and to maintain a good behavior when they are outside in public. But the imperious tone without whatsoever other kind of extra information is surely not a solution. Children need explanation why a certain behavior is inappropriate, as well as giving them information how they are currently behaving.
2. Go away
A few days ago I saw a mother with her two children at the zoo – one still could not walk – a girl around at the age of two. The other was a boy at around the age of five and was constantly playing with her, yanking her and jumping around. Suddenly, the mother shouted, “Go away, can’t you see you’re teasing her? Go away! ” They boy started crying and sat down on the bench nearby. And the message he got from his mother was that he is the unnecessary child which interferes and is unwanted. Usually, this type of communication does not lead to anything else than problematic behavior coming from the child that has felt this way, it leads to low self-esteem and aggressive attitude.
3. Bad child!
“Why did you spill out the juice – bad child!”It is possible for you to hear this as well. And you can hear it from parents that use this phrase because it has turned into a habit. A common belief has stuck into people’s minds that if we make our child feel bad, guilty and feel discomfort, this will have counseling influence on them. Think again – even us adults are far less productive, if there are judging looks at us and have to cope with constant critique.
4. You’re bugging me
“I’ve work to do, you’re bugging me”, “I don’t have time right now”, “Don’t take away my attention” – phrases which the always busy and concentrated in their work parents use. Children do not always show that this hurts or disappoints them. They go back to their doings as if nothing has happened, but is just on the outside. Inside kids suffer painfully that they do not spend their time with their mom or dad, or they just get used to being without them, which causes alienation.